What if I show myself love?

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Something some people may not know about me – I’m not very secure in myself.

My main goal in life is to love others with the love that I have been shown by my Heavenly Father.  I can readily encourage others and build them up… and yet I don’t have confidence in myself.

I am quick to tell a friend that she is beautiful – because her lovely heart radiates through her and makes her always beautiful.  And yet I view myself as plain and insufficient.

I can remind someone that they are worth loving, and that God loves them more than anything – but at the same time, I wonder why ANYONE should love me.  I especially wonder why God puts up with me and keeps working on me!

I had a talk with God one day….

I said, “God, I don’t know why You even bother with me. I’m such a mess…. Why do You even keep working on me?”
He said – “Because you are Mine.”
I said, “Well, yes. But I don’t know why You would die to save someone like me.”
He said – “Because I love you.”
I said, “I know You do. But I just don’t understand why You would love someone like me and work so much on me.”
He said – “Because I made you.”

~ Kerri Brown

I have recently started realizing how much negative I speak about myself.  I call myself plain, belittle my talents, and magnify my faults.  I admitted this to a friend the other day – it is easier to go ahead and run yourself down first than to have others run you down.

Perhaps it is because I have suffered so much rejection in my life.  (Not from my family, to be clear!)  Not so much blatant rejection as the subtle type.  I have allowed people’s subtle rejection of me to form a negative opinion about myself.  Anyone else out there have the “What’s wrong with me” moments??

A friend of mine loaned me a book the other day, and it is really putting some things into perspective for me.  (I’ll share the book with y’all when I finish reading it… which may be a while since I’ve had the book for over a week and just started Chapter 3…)  Basically, it is about “Living Loved.”  When I was reading just now, the author was talking about doing things hoping to gain the love of others.  And if that is your motive, you aren’t really doing things in the spirit of love.  (1 Corinthians 13)  Now, this is not something I struggle with, but the thought that went through my mind was “Let all your things be done with charity.” (1 Corinthians 16:14)

As I thought about the things I do, and what motivates me to do them (spreading love around), it dawned on me… what if I were to extend the same love to myself that I extend to others? Now, I’m not talking about becoming self-absorbed here.  I’m just saying, what if I were to stop running myself down, and instead, I give myself the same courtesies that I freely extend to everyone else?  I would never run anyone else down the way I do myself.  So why do I do that to myself?

Very often, simple things can make a big difference!  For example, I text the music director of our church last night to thank him for letting me sing lead in a song yesterday morning.  Instead of just saying “You’re welcome,” he said “Thanks for helping us!”  That simple act gave me a sense of being appreciated – not just needed because someone else wasn’t able to be there that day.

What if we take the little negatives in our lives and turn them for positives?  What if I extend the same forgiveness and second chances to myself as I offer to others, instead of condemning myself before I even get started?  What if I stop doubting myself and take a bit of my own advice – “You’ll never know unless you try.”

This is a journey that I am going to endeavor to take.  Not to say I will be perfect at it.  No one is perfect – except God, of course!  But if we never STRIVE for perfection, we sure won’t get there!  I love an illustration given in the movie Holiday Affair.  This man had a boy aim for a circle and throw the ball.  The ball hit below the circle.  So he told the boy to aim above the circle.  The ball hit the circle.  If your aim isn’t high, you’ll never reach your goal!

This is just something that I struggle with personally, and something that I realize I can do about it.  What are some things that you struggle with, and what can you do about it?

Love and Prayers,

Kerri

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3 thoughts on “What if I show myself love?

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